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  • 17 hours ago
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Lesson 16: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

latinegrasexologist:

Lesson:

Be careful and make conscious decisions about what organizations, people, spaces, and projects of which you will be affiliated.

Life Lesson:

Folks will exploit you. You may be the first LatiNegra they have ever encountered in the field, and they may want to use you to represent a “diversity” they are not committed to in any way. You may also interact with people who have a history of being oppressive and crappy to other people you care about.

Always research before committing. Ask those hard questions before, like “what are your policies and actions around outreach and maintaining a diverse and inclusive space?” Be ready for folks to come with a standard form response, and be ready to disengage. You don’t ever have to endorse someone you don’t believe is someone you would want to be affiliated with.

There are lots of folks who have great intentions and do crappy things along the way. It’s up to you if you want to build with them. But what you have learned is that when you can’t find the space and folks you wish to have around you, you build your own spaces and organizations.

It’s also ok to leave those spaces and organizations you’ve left when the time has come. Those spaces need to grow and evolve just like you did when you created them. Having you in a leadership position isn’t always the best thing for the organization or for you. Other folks will have a vision and the energy to push that space in a direction you may not be able to do or go. That is the gift you give those who come after you: a space to push in a new exciting direction. 

Ask those hard questions and push folks who you are committed to building with. When people don’t have a solid understanding of gender or are using gender specific language, and you believe this is something that impacts a person because of how they were created and born into this world: speak on it! If it is about cervical cancer, push to make language and spaces inclusive of everyone who was born with a cervix and push that org to do better, learn more, reach more broadly, and be more inclusive. 

Do that work if you have the energy. Do the work you are dedicated to. Do not let the work run you over, suck you dry, manipulate you, or cause you continuous pain (because this path is painful at times, until you find your way and hold onto your convictions).

Folks need you to do this because you have the power you have and can use it with versus over other folks.

For inquiries or to hire email LatiNegraSexologist@gmail.com

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  • 17 hours ago
  • 15

Lesson 15: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

latinegrasexologist:

Lesson:

You know too well how poor folks rarely are ever granted privacy, for this you will honor it with yourself and those with who you interact.

Life Lesson:

You know this from personal experience. How you have to fill out your entire life on papers, give documents, fotos, have someone else stamp that you are who you say you are. Then give all of that to someone in a cubicle where another person in a similar situation is seated next to you doing the same thing to another worker. 

You sit there explaining your life and your current experiences in a room full of cubicles to a worker who could help you get some type of healthcare help, food stamps, access to services, food banks, etc. But you always remember it’s never private. You are never in a room with a closed door, never given the impression that you life, information, identity, will ever be treated with dignity, respect, or integrity.

That’s why you choose to do things differently. That’s why you choose to answer asks privately vs. publicly, why you keep your ‘anon’ feature on even with the hatemail you receive (always via anon), and why you remind folks that if they seem ready to share something and you are in a situation as a “mandated reporter” you stop them and tell them that so they can decide if that’s what they want to still do: share with you. 

In a world where folks talk a lot about their experiences online, and in the field you are in that is one way folks build networks and credibility to an extent (esp. when you can’t get to a school or training or afford those things), you will choose not to always share or overshare. You will hold some things close to you and privately because you know you deserve that for yourself. You will do this with yourself, your community, your support systems; you do this because you find it is a survival skill. It’s also a skill that you’ve evolved into the person you’ve wanted to be and have the relationships that you value enough to grant them privacy.

That’s when you knew the boo was who you needed to be with at this time: you stopped telling folks everything, you held some things just between the two of you, other things you just told the ocean and water, because you wanted to hold them close to you. 

You work to honor folks privacy. We rarely receive it especially as folks who are poor, queer, disabled, Black, immigrant, undocumented, non-English speaking, indigenous, young, incarcerated. We deserve privacy. You will work to make sure you can provide that to folks seeking your help, guidance, mentorship, resources, trainings, workshops, and the like. 

For inquiries or to hire email LatiNegraSexologist@gmail.com

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  • 1 day ago
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  • 1 day ago
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CFP: 4th International Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Nonmonogamy, which happens Feb 13-14, 2015, in Berkeley, California (USA).

latinegrasexologist:

This is a CALL FOR PAPERS for the 4th International Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Nonmonogamy, which happens Feb 13-14, 2015, in Berkeley, California (USA).

https://sites.google.com/site/monogamyandnonmonogam…

This event will be devoted to presentations of scientific and academic research related to polyamory, open relationships, swinging, other forms of consensual nonmonogamy, and related subjects. Presentations will cover various topics that offer some possible progress to a deeper and more complete understanding of the phenomenon of consensual nonmonogamy. Issues related to both nonmonogamous and monogamous relationships will be explored from an interdisciplinary perspective, in as objective and unbiased a manner as possible.

Any presentation that discusses the prevalence of monogamy or nonmonogamy at any particular place, time, or society, or which offers some potential insight into the changing nature of such attitudes and practices over time will be considered. Strong preference is given for presentations with obvious direct relevance to issues related to possible future changes in attitudes about monogamy and nonmonogamy.

We strive to make this a strongly interdisciplinary conference. Presentations can include research related to psychology, sociology, neuroscience, sociocultural studies, anthropology, political science, historical studies, future projections, media studies, examinations of art, folklore and mythology, or any other area of scholarship related to the subject of consensual nonmonogamy. 

Preference is for completed projects, but works in progress will also be welcome. Emphasis is on original work not published or previously presented, but exceptions may be made for material deemed especially relevant to the theme of the event. Papers and projects from graduate and undergraduate students will also be welcome. 

Papers will be published after the conference in online proceedings with a confirmed ISBN number/reference. There will be no length limit for submissions, but the presentations will be limited to 30 minutes, with ten minutes dedicated to questions, answers, and discussion following each presentation. Proposed presenters are encouraged to send inquires as early as possible.

The deadline for proposals is Oct 1, 2014

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  • 2 days ago
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Lesson 14: Lessons Learned as a LatiNegra Sexologist

latinegrasexologist:

Lesson:

The work that brings you the most pride and happiness will not always be shared among others who may consider other work you’ve accomplished as more important or impressive.

Life Lesson

You’ll learn this primarily as you search for full-time work. When folks will ask you to give them examples of managing challenging situations or folks, the examples you will give will not be what they want to hear. For example, at the last full-time gig you had, you shared an accountability and responsibility process of which you are a part; one that was public, that was collective, and that connected to so much of what you value and believe in. You are so proud of that work, even if the outcome with the person held accountable did not happen on their end. 

You were told that the process didn’t matter, all the research, writing, documenting, conversations, building, negotiating, transparency, holding one another accountable in a loving and compassionate way because you are dealing with ways to deconstruct and destroy elitism, misogyny, and colorism. Instead, they will ask for an example of a challenge you dealt with in a *paid* position. 

That’s your first red flag. They don’t value the work you do, all the work you do, that is unpaid or underpaid. Most of the work you are proud of is unpaid and underpaid. 

Another example you’ll give is when you created a curriculum for a non-profit you helped co-create with several of your local DMV homegirls of color. You created, at Tamika & Friends, Inc (the only national organization focusing on HPV and cervical cancer prevention and education targeting all genders and providing support to caregivers and survivors to.this.day), a curricula for HPV (House Parties of fiVe) parties. Along with one of your homegirls, you created an amazingly accessible curricula that folks used. It was nothing brand new, we just organized things in a particular way for the communities we are reaching out to at the moment.

That curricula was purchased by Merck Pharmaceuticals and used as examples of how to reach out to and engage communities of which you are a part. You learned through this experience that your work is sometimes best when it supports the community. You learned you don’t need your name all over everything, you don’t need to always get all the shine you think you deserve, that a lot of your work will benefit larger communities and that is enough. 

Yet, other folks will be so impressed with this! And it will surprise you at first, but you’ll learn it’s what folks want to hear because they define success in ways you don’t always. That’s ok. 

It’s ok because you know that the work that brings you the most pride: the 20+ year mentorship you have with Candy, a young woman you met when she was in 1st grade and you in 10th; the accountability processes you’ve been a part of, the organizations you’ve co-created: Women of Color Sexual Health Network, The LatiNegr@s Project, your presenting at the World Association of Sexual Health (originally called Sexology)  in Havanac, Cuba, presenting in English and Spanish about your personal research and work on Latinxs and pregnancy prevention in the US in 2003; all the students you’ve impacted just by being on staff/faculty, but by also seeing them as public intellectuals who need support and are hungry for learning more; all the young people, people of Color, queer folks who find confidence and care in reaching out to you to help them cope and understand aspects of their sex/uality, bodies, health, and relationships. 

So what you learn instead, is how to convey the stories folks want to hear more than any other when asked. You keep those other stories at the front of your mind because those are what drives you on a regular basis. Those are what is most important to you. And that’s when you begin to realize working on your own terms is probably best.

For inquiries or to hire email LatiNegraSexologist@gmail.com   

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  • 2 days ago
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