i’m tired. 

while i was writing my class notes for this class which is on immigration, reading about what reports and national survey’s asking USians about their ideas of immigrants and immigration, watching Nezua’s vids “take our jobs!” and on “terror babies,” hearing the stories of how Alabamians are impacted by HB56, and the film The Harvest and having to get ready to talk about it in an unbiased way.

i can’t today. it’s too much. i need a mental health day. a self-care day. 

these topics and stories are not just to “discuss” in a classroom. they are people’s lives. they are my community. they are my students (two of whom are recent immigrants to the US), they are my parent’s experiences. they are our lives. sometimes teaching about our lives in a sterile way can help limit these overwhelming feelings of hatred, isolation, and death. sometimes that approach can work for many esp. if it becomes a ritual to act as a coping mechanism. but today, on this day, i cant teach in a sterile way (i dont’ ever really). 

today i have to remember i need to survive and that resting, and meditating, and enjoying my chosen family are ways that help me survive in a world that doesn’t want me to exist. 

educators, professors, instructors: we are people too. i know that this class came to me to teach now because i need it for my spirit. right now i need to rest and remember and thank those who have migrated and lost their lives, those who have worked to bring food to my home and have died, those who have cared for the children and youth in my life while no one cared about theirs, those people who i may never meet but whose lives impact mine so directly. 

i cancelled class today.